Category Archives: mindset

Hic Sunt Dracones (Here Be Dragons)

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Looking at old maps of the “flat” world that once upon a time permeated the minds of our forebears – ok, a lot longer ago than we might call “forebears”- but you get my point that it was long ago, but how far away?

The maps are beautifully drawn, illustrated with dragons in the seas at the edges of the earth. We think it’s funny now that people once thought of the earth as flat. Or the earth at the center of the galaxy.

Actually I think it’s quite the opposite. It’s a wonder that we ever got another idea – I’m not going to say “got it right” because I don’t know that we have it “right.” We live so fully in the separate universes of our minds, we have our stories and our beliefs, which take up the bulk of our human consciousness.

To make matters even more dicey, we get many of these patterns before we truly feel our separation from our surroundings. Yesterday I was in my studio getting ready for a show. I’m hesitant to put some pieces in. I’m afraid to ask for comments or opinions because I don’t want to hear bad things and I don’t want to put people in a position of making it all right for me.

So doesn’t that sound like a lot of fuss? My stories are roiling around like the seas at the edges of the earth, dragons fiercely teething on the crusts of the edges of my – my what, my self-consciousness.

Bah humbug. Butting up against my insecurities is like grabbing barbed wire or climbing a wall and finding that glass has been embedded at the top. I can always say oh what the… and then put them where they won’t be seen or put them in the show. It feels like a “big decision” but really who cares?

Be A Safe Place

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“The very purpose of spirituality is self-discipline. Rather than criticizing others, we should evaluate and criticize ourselves. Ask yourself, what am I doing about my anger, my attachment, my pride, my jealousy? These are the things we should check in our day to day lives.”
I saw this posted yesterday by the Dalai Lama on Facebook. It encompasses all life as I know it and it reminded me of the advice a friend got when she asked for help with her new husband and his children.

She had been suffering watching what she considered bad and confusing parenting that as she saw it was leading to behavior issues with children she now found herself living with. She didn’t want to put a charge in her new married relationship and when she asked a friend, who also happens to be a phenomenal therapist, she got the answer, “Be a safe place for the kids.”

What a good idea! It kept her out of her new husband’s and his ex’s faces and it allowed her some autonomy with new and fairly adult housemates. She also, on her own, decided she would not participate in actions she thought eroded the children’s taking responsibility for their actions.

Instead of getting enmeshed in the situation and adding to what was already confused, she added clarity and kept herself a safe place both for the kids and her husband. She did not tell him what she thought – a marvel of self-restraint. She didn’t tell him what she “saw” or describe or ascribe anything to anybody.

Her self-discipline kept her safe for everyone to go to – they wouldn’t be shamed or abetted, she didn’t take sides. Her role-modeling allowed anyone who could to learn and anyone who wasn’t ready to wait – safely.

A simple (ha!) act of non-engagement can be our strongest stand. Taking our self in hand can be the most powerful step we choose. Vietnamese Vipassana master Thich Nhat Hahn asks us to “let peace begin with me.” He advises to take a breath when the phone rings, the door opens, any entrance into our physical space or our emotional mind, take a moment of breath connection before acting. We will be more ourself, and that is all we’re here to do.

Random Sample

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In talking with friends this month of January I notice something’s different. For many of my friends it is important not to be in the position they were in last January.

This is said assertively, without the usual list of resolutions. They are resolute. They will not… then comes the good news – what they will do.

This is good news because when I include myself in this, we all have enough programs, seminars and how-to books. In fact when one of my friends asked another if she had been to a certain seminar and could she be loaned the materials, the one who attended said, “Yes, I’ll dig them out.”

We all have enough knowledge and tips stuffed in our drawers, how do we connect our heart/mind to this pile? How can we make sense of what’s in front of us, behind us, in deep closets?

For me, I wanted to “do” something, that’s why I bought all those books, took the courses, listened scribbling notes in large rooms and strange locations. I want to shift and grow and keep growing. I nosh on help like chips, I don’t feel full so I take more.

Now I’m hearing from those I’m in touch with that we’re in Oz and we all have what we need, we just need a little help to incorporate what we know.

Dorothy: “Now which way do we go?”
Scarecrow: “Pardon me, this is a very nice way>”
Dorothy: “Who said that?”
Scarecrow, pointing the other way: “It’s pleasant down that way, too.”
Dorothy: “That’s funny, wasn’t he pointing the other way?”
Scarecrow, pointing both ways: Of course, some people do go both ways.”

“Wherever you go, there you are.” Jon Kabat-Zinn

Let’s all have a good journey.

Believe IN Yourself

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Why did I capitalize the IN? Because it’s not always a good idea to believe yourself. To believe what you are telling yourself is often to listen to the voice of someone not necessarily on your side who wants to get you to do something they want you to do.

Believing IN yourself can be hard work. It means getting to know yourself. The old mantra on the Apollo Temple at Delphi – Know Thyself. Easier said than done. And the most important work you can do to live a life free from stress and longing.

In your mind be equal to others and you will find yourself less judgmental and more likely to give yourself the extra something you were going to give away to someone else – like your time or your effort. Being equal will let you be more compassionate, more giving, you’ll have more of everything you need.

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” Mother Teresa

By including yourself in the “people,” you will be taking the step toward belief that will carry you to your dreams. Be yourself, no one can do it the way you can.

My Mother’s Ashes

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I just came across an ashtray I made in school at Christmastime for my mother. I remember the making of it so well. The shape of it, the thing of it was all for her. She was an aloof, beautiful, untouchable woman. She had Admirers, she had furs and massages and ointments and so many occasions for her display. She read far into the night and smoked.

My gift to her was a small heart-shaped ashtray with a rose in the center. On the back it is signed, “PAM 1952” the art teacher would have had us do that. I remember giving it to her with some trepidation. Would she like it? Would she put it down without noticing? Would I find it in a drawer years later?

But those are my adult thoughts. At the time I just wanted her to like it and love me. Notice me, smile at me. That’s the part I don’t remember now. Did she smile? I don’t know. But she kept it by her bedside until she died in 1993. Her cigarette ashes are part of it now – oh yes, I have it now. I put it in a drawer, and found it when looking for something else. I think it’s time for the love to come out. I placed it with other endowed objects where it has a life of inclusion. Something I am just beginning to live with myself.

The Concord Art Association Regrets

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I just re-found this sestina online that I wrote many years ago when I was rejected twice by the Concord Art Association. I lived in Concord, MA at the time and very much wanted to fit in. Most of my friends were in Cambridge, Boston, Somerville, and J.P. (as we like to call Jamaica Plain.)

I still love Concord, I loved living there, but I was there because I thought it was a good place to raise my kids – it was, they loved it. But I was a misfit. An introverted zany artistic lesbian didn’t really have a place in a town of coupled heterosexuals.

So I trekked into the city from the ‘burbs regularly and separated myself from my neighbors. But I was really showing the deep divide in my own self. I could look outside and see whatever I see, it’s there if I think it is. When I went to Concord I was replaying what was comfortable about my past. I really wasn’t ready for my future.

Being outwardly identified suited me for many years and Concord allowed me the space to change as much as I needed to when I could handle it. It offered me all the complexity and simplicity I could handle.

So, even though this poem sounds like the gripe it is, it is also a paean to a place that gave me everything I needed to be me.

The Concord Art Association Regrets

Your entry was not accepted. We regret
it wasn’t (enough for us), a work of love.
We liked many of the colors on the whole
but the mass was just something unrelated
to the rest of our show. We hope your work
will have a bright future in another place.

We remember last year you tried to place
another photograph and it was also with regret
we turned you down. Though for that particular work
we found nothing about it (no one could) to love.
It was obscure and a little upsetting in relation
to the rest of our show which we look on as a whole.

Now you may think us ungenerous. On the whole
you are probably right, but this is our place
and we can do what we want whether you relate
to it or not. However we don’t want you to regret
your association with us. We want you to love
us, send us money, but please, no more work.

You see right now we need money to work
on the building we’re in. There’s a hole
in the roof and one wall needs all the love
and attention it can get. Really the place
needs so much, which all costs. I regret
to remind you we need more space for related

works. We’re trying to expand and relate
to lots of different kinds of work
so different people won’t regret
their visit with us but will see the whole
beauty and tranquillity of the place
and come with us, a journey of love

where people of all races, colors, and creeds love
to look and bask and of course bring relations,
friends, and lovers. All are welcome to our place
here where all the world’s magnificent work
can be shown in its entirety, the whole
place filled – with your exception, we regret.

We know you’ll love the whole
work we’re doing for this place.
We can’t relate enough our regret.

(Copyright © 1983-2011 by Pam White.)

Chief Seattle’s Letter

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I came across Chief Seattle’s letter in Joseph Campbell’s The Power of Myth, recently and I am struck by the power and force of the letter. It is of course controversial whether his original speech aimed at then President Franklin Pierce’s attempt to “buy” land, said exactly this text, but I don’t really care. I am reading, after all, the power of Myth.

Occupations all over this country and the world to protest economic conditions are being shut down. Bloomberg news is publishing facts held secret by our government – in this case I don’t think partisan politics matter, “who did it” is less important to me than its correction in our society. What we make of this information will mark us for generations. What we do here is spoken around the world, it does not stay here, it is not “ours.”

When tents pitched to sell baubles are supported and protected as “private property” of corporations who have been given individual status by our Supreme Court and tents pitched by individuals representing the common good are torn down – both in the name of law – something has got to give.

Here is Seattle’s letter, It is relevant today as we prepare to slaughter our horses, dissemble information to our citizens, tax them without representation, hold them accountable without the “emoluments” of office – i.e. a hand in the till as we prepare for all the black Fridays, cyber Mondays and every chance to increase indebtedness.

 

“The President in Washington sends word that he wishes to buy our land. But how can you buy or sell the sky? The land? The idea is strange to us. If we do not own the freshness of the air and the sparkle of the water, how can you buy them?

Every part of the earth is sacred to my people. Every shining pine needle, every sandy shore, every mist in the dark woods, every meadow, every humming insect. All are holy in the memory and experience of my people.

We know the sap which courses through the trees as we know the blood that courses through our veins. We are part of the earth and it is part of us. The perfumed flowers are our sisters. The bear, the deer, the great eagle, these are our brothers. The rocky crests, the dew in the meadow, the body heat of the pony, and man all belong to the same family.

The shining water that moves in the streams and rivers is not just water, but the blood of our ancestors. If we sell you our land, you must remember that it is sacred. Each glossy reflection in the clear waters of the lakes tells of events and memories in the life of my people. The water’s murmur is the voice of my father’s father.

The rivers are our brothers. They quench our thirst. They carry our canoes and feed our children. So you must give the rivers the kindness that you would give any brother.

If we sell you our land, remember that the air is precious to us,that the air shares its spirit with all the life that it supports. The wind that gave our grandfather his first breath also received his last sigh. The wind also gives our children the spirit of life. So if we sell our land, you must keep it apart and sacred, as a place where man can go to taste the wind that is sweetened by the meadow flowers.

Will you teach your children what we have taught our children? That the earth is our mother? What befalls the earth befalls all the sons of the earth.

This we know: the earth does not belong to man, man belongs to the earth. All things are connected like the blood that unites us all. Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself.

One thing we know: our God is also your God. The earth is precious to him and to harm the earth is to heap contempt on its creator.

Your destiny is a mystery to us. What will happen when the buffalo are all slaughtered? The wild horses tamed? What will happen when the secret corners of the forest are heavy with the scent of many men and the view of the ripe hills is blotted with talking wires? Where will the thicket be? Gone! Where will the eagle be? Gone! And what is to say goodbye to the swift pony and then hunt? The end of living and the beginning of survival.

When the last red man has vanished with this wilderness, and his memory is only the shadow of a cloud moving across the prairie, will these shores and forests still be here? Will there be any of the spirit of my people left?

We love this earth as a newborn loves its mother’s heartbeat. So, if we sell you our land, love it as we have loved it. Care for it, as we have cared for it. Hold in your mind the memory of the land as it is when you receive it. Preserve the land for all children, and love it, as God loves us.

As we are part of the land, you too are part of the land. This earth is precious to us. It is also precious to you.

One thing we know – there is only one God. No man, be he Red man or White man, can be apart. We ARE all brothers after all.”

 

Misery Loves Company, Companies Love Misery

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A friend told me that she was helping someone who is lonely because she is lonely, “I am one lonely person helping another lonely person. Lonely people stick together.”

Maybe that’s true. It seemed a contradiction to me. There were two people who consider themselves lonely, they were together, helping one another. I only know how she felt and I know she was feeding and keeping her loneliness close to her. To the outside eye they were friends together helping each other. Would we have been able to tell who was helping whom? Can we ever?

Sometimes even when we have a chance it is hard for us to let go of what we might think of as a defining emotion – “I’m angry, I’m sad.” We name our dogs and our children “joy” but we rarely define ourselves as joyful.

Does happiness feel like a solo occupation when you know that misery loves company? It’s a real question for me, and one for which I don’t have an easy answer. For myself, when I find anger or sadness taking root I do find it hard to remember that my default emotion is joy.

I wonder if my lonely friend does not believe she can feel anything else. Looking around, I see stores filled with solutions for every aggravation. I would never have to find my own solutions if I believe what is on all the labels. It looks like I need to depend on everyone and everything apart from myself.

We’ve created a world of answers, but what are the real questions?

DREAMS

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I saw this sign at Zucotti Park when I visited the encampment a couple of weeks ago. I guess it’s gone now, getting warm with the person who made it, waiting for another time to give the message.

Mayor Bloomberg gave all the protesters a break from the coming winter by moving them. I don’t know if it’s true but it seems to me that the level of protests has risen. I loved the image in Berkely, CA of the tents suspended by helium balloons – yea to the college students for being their creative selves and letting the ideas flow.

It’s my dream that we have this revolution peacefully and we commit to the opportunity to turn this economic disaster into fortune for us all. Taking responsibility for ourselves is a good idea. Having the freedom to make choices is great as long as we have the knowledge and foresight that greatness requires.

To become or follow our dreams requires a discipline of the soul this culture hardly touches upon. We are schooled by multiple choice, hardly having a chance to find our own expression.

At this moment in our history we are less likely to have a discussion with someone who doesn’t agree with us. We can choose what news comes to us, what songs we hear. What we miss is the vast area of unexplored consciousness where we might feel a little out of place, a little foolish, we might not know our way around. We’ve lost touch with the magic of the resilient edge of our resistance.

When you have feelings bottled up do you take yourself out for a walk, a scream, an art? Do you drink a stimulant, a depressant, blame someone? Expression is one of the most important keys to health. Lack of it might be the single most important root of disease.

How can we move forward to our goals and dreams, how can we change what we lovingly call “the system?” What we are fighting now was not created with love, and it was probably done in committee or in cadres. (think banks & investment firms, not Che Guevara)

The only way out is the way in. Each one of us in our own way can shape ourselves for the dream we have. We have only to be like Bloody Mary’s song in South Pacific, “You got to have a dream, if you don’t have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true?”