Valentine’s Day

Posted on February 12, 2012 by pamwhite

To you all with love and the willingness to create an internal safe space for each one of us – no exceptions!

This was written by Rev. Safire Rose, an instructor at Agape University.

“She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go. She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice . She didn’t read a book on how to let go. She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go. She let go of all the memories that held her back. She let go of all the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.

No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go. There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.”

~~ Reverend Safire Rose

Be A Safe Place

Posted on January 28, 2012 by pamwhite

“The very purpose of spirituality is self-discipline. Rather than criticizing others, we should evaluate and criticize ourselves. Ask yourself, what am I doing about my anger, my attachment, my pride, my jealousy? These are the things we should check in our day to day lives.”
I saw this posted yesterday by the Dalai Lama on Facebook. It encompasses all life as I know it and it reminded me of the advice a friend got when she asked for help with her new husband and his children.

She had been suffering watching what she considered bad and confusing parenting that as she saw it was leading to behavior issues with children she now found herself living with. She didn’t want to put a charge in her new married relationship and when she asked a friend, who also happens to be a phenomenal therapist, she got the answer, “Be a safe place for the kids.”

What a good idea! It kept her out of her new husband’s and his ex’s faces and it allowed her some autonomy with new and fairly adult housemates. She also, on her own, decided she would not participate in actions she thought eroded the children’s taking responsibility for their actions.

Instead of getting enmeshed in the situation and adding to what was already confused, she added clarity and kept herself a safe place both for the kids and her husband. She did not tell him what she thought – a marvel of self-restraint. She didn’t tell him what she “saw” or describe or ascribe anything to anybody.

Her self-discipline kept her safe for everyone to go to – they wouldn’t be shamed or abetted, she didn’t take sides. Her role-modeling allowed anyone who could to learn and anyone who wasn’t ready to wait – safely.

A simple (ha!) act of non-engagement can be our strongest stand. Taking our self in hand can be the most powerful step we choose. Vietnamese Vipassana master Thich Nhat Hahn asks us to “let peace begin with me.” He advises to take a breath when the phone rings, the door opens, any entrance into our physical space or our emotional mind, take a moment of breath connection before acting. We will be more ourself, and that is all we’re here to do.

My Mother’s Ashes

Posted on December 19, 2011 by pamwhite

I just came across an ashtray I made in school at Christmastime for my mother. I remember the making of it so well. The shape of it, the thing of it was all for her. She was an aloof, beautiful, untouchable woman. She had Admirers, she had furs and massages and ointments and so many occasions for her display. She read far into the night and smoked.

My gift to her was a small heart-shaped ashtray with a rose in the center. On the back it is signed, “PAM 1952” the art teacher would have had us do that. I remember giving it to her with some trepidation. Would she like it? Would she put it down without noticing? Would I find it in a drawer years later?

But those are my adult thoughts. At the time I just wanted her to like it and love me. Notice me, smile at me. That’s the part I don’t remember now. Did she smile? I don’t know. But she kept it by her bedside until she died in 1993. Her cigarette ashes are part of it now – oh yes, I have it now. I put it in a drawer, and found it when looking for something else. I think it’s time for the love to come out. I placed it with other endowed objects where it has a life of inclusion. Something I am just beginning to live with myself.

Fidelity/Perseverance

Posted on November 1, 2011 by pamwhite

Sometimes people ask for fidelity when they want perseverance. It is after all the workhorse of fidelity. It is the truth behind the truth.

Perseverance does not take everything personally. It does measure worth while waiting to see what happens next. In my experience it takes the world and what is said with a grain of salt.

There is something wonderful implied in perseverance. It is faith. Starting at the top – the Me in all of us, is focussed on my own actions, my own goals and the expectation I throw out into the world passes through me first.

Often when we look at our partner’s actions and find they fall short – the question could be, “short of what?” Our expectations, of course, I know that. But I can forget it as well as anyone. I can forget that in a moment of frustration I expected more of someone than I ask of myself. I can forget that I was too fast with my thoughts and turned to words before I understood them myself.

Perseverance is seeing through that. Loving the self and the other no matter what. Letting go of the Count; you did this when, I do so much, I always, you never. That sort of thinking is faithful only to the pivot, the back turned. It’s what we see in the media, it’s what we believe is “cool.”

What’s really cool is being there, hanging in, taking the plunge, staying for the finish. I’m not talking just about two people in relationship. I’m talking about the honesty with which we live our lives. About the face you see in the mirror. Is it a face you can love? Has it been cared for?

Don’t give up (on) yourself – ever. Give yourself a break – always. Keep to your goals and expectations of yourself – always. Start with compassion, end with compassion. Ask yourself if this is what I want. Is this who I want to be, am I where I want to be.

COUNTING

Posted on October 10, 2011 by pamwhite

The flowers are getting sparse. The spiders are working overtime, as are the wasps and hornets. Their time is up. They go out with the flowers.
Shortening days, my darker time is coming. Actually it’s been here since June 21st but I didn’t notice – it was summer, light seemed forever. Night came just in time to catch me so I could gather enough energy for another day.

Now the gathering is done by all the Beings whose nests must serve as pantries. The birds and deer have to get by with what’s left on the bushes and trees – which is why I’m happy to see so many apples and pears out of my reach.

There are some things I can’t fathom the use for. I’m as glad to see these as the pears I cannot reach. Not fathoming something, not knowing means I can keep going. Means I can delve and play, follow a line, an arc, a mood. There’ll be more of that now. More for me to deeply witness because there’s less to see.

COURAGE

Posted on September 26, 2011 by pamwhite

This morning in my meditation I asked for courage. Courage to be who I am – which means I accept myself – to do what I need to do – which means I have a clue – and the willingness to act with love, every act from love.

Notwithstanding my teachers’ groans over my punctuation, I feel set to a high standard. It means that in every moment I am awake to myself, to my dreams and desires as well as my shortcomings.

As unlikely as it is that I will accomplish every goal, it is very certain I will act differently than if I had not entertained these thoughts.

I often feel like a bowl of water I’m carrying. If I go too fast, act with haste, some will spill out – perhaps on you. But if I still myself so I can see my reflection, my path will be free of spills and you will walk with me in peace.

I take wisdom from the world of distinctions. The spider is determined to be a spider, not a lot of choice. While I may not have the choice to change what I am, I have the choice to change who I am. Everyday, every minute I can make a choice, in that choice lies the difference of who I am.

May you have the courage of your conviction, compassion in every step and love in your heart.

KINDNESS OF STRANGERS

Posted on August 9, 2011 by pamwhite

A friend in Toronto told me he liked living in Canada because people he doesn’t know are helped by the taxes he pays and he is helped by people he doesn’t know who share in the health care system.

I thought about the work I do helping people to know themselves. I thought about the writing over the Delphic columns that says, “Know Thyself.” I thought about Shakespeare’s line, “to thine own self be true…” and I thought about that Polonius said it and did that make a difference.

It’s really important to me that we help each other. And it’s really important that we don’t choose who gets what. That the equal sharing implies no “whites only,” or as in Orwell’s book, no “just pigs” signs. In my deepest heart I want all people to be helped. I don’t want to enlist my own biases and help only my own group. I want my heart open to all. However I read Malcom Gladwell’s Blink and know it’s not really possible for me to override my humanness.

The other day I went to a local Chamber of Commerce meeting. It was my first and I was very nervous and didn’t know what to expect. It just happened to be next to a liquor store. The meeting was one of their “after hours” meetings and everyone was coming after their work day. I found parking in back of the line of three buildings and two men arrived at the same time. They were in a truck and it was obviously the end of their day too. We all smiled at each other and one of them put this (to my eye) very large spit about three feet in front of his walking into the liquor store. At the moment of the spit I didn’t know which place he was heading toward – I doubt there was another person who wouldn’t have known, but I didn’t. But we continued on our ways smiling and, for my part, free of pre-judgement.

I don’t know if I could have been as balanced had I not been meditating on the “oneness” of our world. Could I have been so, as my daughter says, “crunchy,” if we had been in line together? If he had been “chosen” first for something? Would I have worried about him had I been “chosen” and he left.

I can’t answer these, they’re just useless ruminations unless I learn from them. Unless I take them to heart and hope the next time I have an opportunity to help or be helped those signs of tribal prejudice won’t be legible to me.

I took this photo at the top of a vortex zone in Sedona, AZ. Four of us were walking, none knew each other, one was facing serious health issues and we all met in the moment to a healing.

MILLERTON, NY FARMER’S MARKET

Posted on August 6, 2011 by pamwhite

It’s Saturday and markets all over the state, all over the country are filled with farmers and those of us wanting to have great food and be better to ourselves.

How can we be better to ourselves than to buy what’s grown and raised around us. How better to take care of what’s ours? If you think about it, it’s weird to buy things from other countries to save money. It’s weird to leave home and only buy from places we’ve never seen and from people we’ll never see.

But today, Saturday, a coolish, overcast day in August, we’re shopping local. We’re seeing our friends, talking, sampling and the best of all – everyone is smiling.