Author Archives: Pam

About Pam

I live in the Northeast with teenage children, my partner and 7 cats, 5 dogs, 3 horses and a lot of friends. I've photographed and painted and written poetry since I can remember. I love seeing people love each other - I take portraits and family - animals - groups. I love to see people greet each other at airports and I cry with them when they leave each other.

NOW

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Poetry Month

Poem About My Dog Toby

He’s not asking for forgiveness, my Toby
Sorry he may be for putting his back out
Jumping the fence and running for two hours.
But that is past. What’s passed can be
A second ago. It’s passed. Past. My Toby
Lives only in the moment.
His blinking eye ticks off the seconds, the minutes
Until his next fling. He’s not counting.
He doesn’t count the vet bill. The dog officer’s call.
The $250 bill from the hosts of a party where
He ate so much salmon and steak. All wild caught
And grass fed. This moment is the only
Moment for my Toby. And if you are counting
You are in the past. Toby is present. Here. Now.
Now.
Now.
Now

Pam White

isn’t he just the cutest?????

I’m Lucky

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This morning the cats were all quivery at the windows. The Robins are back! The Voles are out and about and Spring is here. It might be a bit of a mixed message that people are still walking on the lake, but it looks slippery and I know they won’t be walking too much longer.

The ground isn’t frozen and the water from the snowmelt can run deep. The dogs are waiting for that. The poor things have been staggering around for so long.

I am impressed by the New England weather, the largescale work of people, of beavers, the muck of the cows and horses, their hooves churning the soil. But this morning’s vole reminded me of creatures small and smaller who turn the soil, pollinate, feed and support our system of life. Small scale has a big impact.

Last summer when the electricity went out and our generator didn’t go on, we went out to see what was the problem. Snake skins! It was filled with snake skins and we had to get a new motherboard so it would know what to do. The snakes had done in its brain!

I love the time nature gives me by taking away my tasks or giving me new ones. I’m lucky to be counted in its creature load.

Dog Love

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When my dog Liam comes looking for love, he isn’t expressing need. He’s full of himself and if I’m doing something else he does too. Until he sees a gap, then he enters and asks and I think the sun has come out. That’s Liam.

He doesn’t stress about my lack of communion, he doesn’t feel “less than.” He just waits for another moment. It always comes to him. When he wants play he grabs a toy and growls at me. If he gets nothing from me, he joins me at my feet. No less of a being than he was before.

I marvel at his equanimity. His strength and courage, the faith he has in himself. It isn’t even faith. That’s too thought-out, too human. He’s just who he is and that’s that.

I love to have Liam around me. He’s in balance and keeps me that way.

He’s not small.

Even as a puppy, he was as big as the biggest.

What do you Google? What do you buy?

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In preparation to help people solve their most pressing problems and help them with their most sought after concerns I googled “what do most people search on Google” I got a smallish list of famous people and astrological quests.

It was clear to me there was nothing I could help with in those categories. So I searched deeper. Slightly different but similar issues came up. I thought, “aha, people are not looking for answers to what is bothering them, they want distractions – and, yes, help with the future!

Realizing I was on my own I abandoned Google and went to titles of books. Jackpot! People Google distractions but they buy solutions! I’m in the game!

If anyone knows how to quantify the amount of hours spent getting help vs. hanging out online, I’d love to know. I have the feeling people are swift in getting their help and spend the rest of their hours online playing games or getting quotations to impress us.

How many CSI re-runs do you watch before you get enlightened? Yes, that’s a joke! Don’t give me a number!

But my point is that we are anesthetizing ourselves with crime shows and reality TV and loosing our voice doing it. Yes, our voice. The one you speak your Truth with, the one you answer your mate, your friends, your boss. They know what you say. Do you?

When your “true self” is wrapped up in the reality of others’, when you know more about Bree or Michael or someone on Lost than you know about your child, spouse or parent, well, you might be a little lost. I just went to the Lost site and found that six million, five hundred eleven thousand, six hundred seventy-three people have gone to the site and “liked” it. Wow! They’re lost!

There is, luckily, another way to spend our time. Let’s begin with appreciation. Appreciation is the highest achievement of the human soul. How often do you engage it? How often do you express your “like” for something – that’s not on facebook? How often do you tell the “ordinary” people in your life how extraordinary they are? How often, instead of reaching for that cookie, do you reach for yourself – take a breath, meditate, have some alone time, some “with” time with the one you love. Oh, did you say, “I love you.” That’s always a good thing to do.

This is a good day, how can I serve you?

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Have you ever thought about the difference between caring for and serving? Well, in my experience, if I care for you, I don’t get much – respect, money, or acknowledgment. But if I serve you, I give you something of value and I get more for it. Including your looking me in the face.

You don’t get as much either if I take care of you, I may be a faceless servant doing a job. If I serve you, you probably asked for it; went to a site, signed up. Went to a school, filled out a form, maybe even paid money.

I take care of many beings. I have rescued dogs, cats and horses. If I see an animal on the road, I help it. And while I am not a nameless, faceless entity to them while I am cleaning litter, picking poops, mopping up grass and throw-up, I am not using much of my skill set either. In my service of the animals I am fulfilling my need to be useful – of service. It comes from my heart and that makes a valuable contribution to my idea of how I want to be in the world and how I view myself.

By doing this service I am forwarding my sense of good in the world, I am participating in a higher vibration than just myself. It is not a job.

If I have a job, when I go to it, when I participate in living and working amongst/with other people, I feel a brightness, I come to them with a full complement of participation. I am not needy.

If people are nice to me – or not – I have a sense of myself within myself and the world within myself. I have done important (to me) work and what I receive from the world is the icing, I have eaten my cake and I don’t have to choose whether to eat it or have it.

Branding – your message is your name.

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Not your business name but the name people think of when they read your statement, your copy, your bio, your blog. The name they give you in their mind (nice person, want to know them – that kind of thing) the minute they see something you’ve put out into the world. Is it the logo you chose, the background of your Tweeter page? Is it the way you presented your ideas in Squidoo? Did you talk about yourself, what you like, trust, want and stop there? Did you include thoughts and facts about yourself in addition to trying on the needs and wants of others?

For me it’s the personable way you might explore yourself to me. A misspelling won’t turn me off too much but if there are too many txt’s and lites, I’m gone. I love dashes and I personally use too many parentheses – which I hope won’t be a problem for you, I know a little cuteness goes a long way! How you expose your life without too much information but enough to help me know I can trust (or not) your ideas, what thoughts come to you, how much we might share.

This last is crucial. What might we share? It’s a key in the deciding route we all take on the road to purchase. We are all looking for the Something that will make our next – career, baby quiet, dog lie down, smell go away, best cup of – there are no exceptions, we are going to contact someone for an issue we are dealing with. That Someone is going to fill our needs and make us feel good at the same time.

I’m a poet in one of my lives and when I send poems out for consideration I hope I have done my homework and looked at the magazine before I send and I hope the editor will actually look at my work before it’s sent back in the envelope provided. I was an editor once and I noticed that I wanted as much from the poet as they wanted from me. I had a problem to solve, an itch to scratch and I hoped that every piece of writing coming to my desk would be the one I’d be excited to read and want to publish.

There are no exceptions to this dance. We are all in the market for something. We all want to pay for some things and get some things free. We don’t want to pay for everything and we don’t want everything free.

This is a great time to be a small business in a big world. We are all looking for the niche where we will find comfort. The best places in my kids’ schools were the reading nooks where they could curl up and read or just look at books. They could be surrounded by comfort and get some cool information or a great story. Let your business be a nook, it’ll be on everyone’s list of things to do.

I love Seth Godin

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I just got a new blog from Seth Godin. I love Seth Godin. There isn’t anything he says that’s not worth listening to, looking at, and really taking in. Every one is a “head’s up!”

This one was about College graduates. They are not finding jobs. According to Seth, only 20% are being hired. He spelled out a plan for the other 80%.

This is directly from him – and it’s worth repeating:

“How about a post-graduate year doing some combination of the following (not just one, how about all):
Spend twenty hours a week running a project for a non-profit.
Teach yourself Java, HTML, Flash, PHP and SQL. Not a little, but mastery.
Volunteer to coach or assistant coach a kids sports team.
Start, run and grow an online community.
Give a speech a week to local organizations.
Write a regular newsletter or blog about an industry you care about.
Learn a foreign language fluently.
Write three detailed business plans for projects in the industry you care about.
Self-publish a book.
Run a marathon.”

Seth Godin June 9, 2009

Does that sound like “make a Self to believe in?” It does to me. You know there was a time when that kind of learning was a part of growing up. Maybe you were fortunate and had a playroom. Maybe you and your friends and/or siblings made up plays, did projects, made costumes. A child’s world was full of challenges in groups with objects they made or made believe.

Maybe your opportunities didn’t include something so structured but maybe you didn’t know that it was so important. Whether your parents had money or not I bet you found it paid to be inventive, to put yourself out and you found out at least a little bit of who you are by bouncing around in a group not just awash in your daydreams or one on one games.

More than likely your parents participated, they watched you, clapped, gave you pointers. Maybe you hated it, maybe you loved the chance to be in front of your peers and your leaders. It almost doesn’t matter because no matter what, you were getting something out of it. I bet the put downs you may have felt look less harsh now than they did then. I bet if you had some of these experiences time has worn off the edges and what you’ve gotten into since has made them look smaller.

My teenagers are heavy with the weight of their studies, their friends, their social networks. They think this is the heavy time in their lives. They are sure they have more eyes on them, more commitments, more drama and tragedy than they ever will again. They feel experienced and unsettled yet they expect a steadiness to their lives that what they rail against most gives them. They feel the hang of their safety net but not the support of it.

And, as Walter Cronkhite used to say, “and that’s they way it is.” And ever was and no doubt ever will be. But that doesn’t absolve us as parents, as leaders, as friends and mentors of our responsibilities to show them how we feel, who we are and what is important to us and to the world we inhabit.

We need to look at that list, get a head’s up, see what we see, who we are, what is important to us and what do we want to do about it. Then let’s all of us take some of those tasks to heart. Do them well. Because if college graduates are not getting jobs, if they are at loose ends, they need us now more than ever.

When Do You Have Enough?

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What do you really want?

If you don’t have a clear picture to answer the question “What do I really want?” you are not alone. We are bombarded with things to do, buy, play, and know. This is a complex time, this is always a complex time. There is nothing new – if you can take solace in that, or if you can’t. We are rarely not challenged by our lives.

Challenge leads to our meeting it (the challenge) or avoiding it. Our minds play a huge role because if you really tell yourself the truth, most stuff we spend time and money on doesn’t matter that much. Have you let something get by you – a game, a car, an attitude and then not missed it? When it comes to you over and over maybe that’s the time to give it a look. But most of us are pulled in the moment. We respond quickly. Isn’t that what our parents wanted? Quick responders. Isn’t that what we see in the movies? What we need in the Emergency Room – yes, there IS a time and a place for instant action. But most of us overplay our hands at “instant.”

Some questions to ponder; Do you put down your real goals in favor of what someone or something else wants? Is that what your “quickness” is about? Do you have enough time to take care of yourself or do you let that go? Do you have enough money to live the way you want or are you living someone else’s dream? Are you following your parents’ goals for you, living in a house they like, going to places they’ve been or want to go? Do you have enough love? Are you accepting what’s offered? Nothing wrong with that if you are pursuing your own goals. Do you have enough friends? Do you count all the people in your organizations as your friends but don’t have time (take time) to really connect with any one or three of them?

In my experience with my children, I find I want them to have certain experiences and not others. I don’t think I’m too unusual. I don’t want them to have any strife or struggle. No bad grades, unrequited love, bullying, or nasty falls. At the same time I pride myself on how I’ve handled occasions where challenges were met. I’d rather they didn’t express themselves with hair dye or piercings but I value my radical difference from my parents – and most of my peers even now.

This comes back to what we really want. Is there a way to know? Yes, of course there is, and it’s one of the areas in which we are most challenged. It’s focus. I should write “FOCUS.” It’s that big. That important. We do what we are focused on, we become what our focus brings us to. If we can say “birds of a feather flock together,” then you know how important it is to put yourself where you can be your best self. Where you can meet and exceed yourself, where you can start low and end up with loftier ideas and ideals. Are you more aware with whom your children hang out than you are for yourself? Do you challenge them and their attitudes to study, work, play. I doubt you think it’s cool when they hang out with friends who are driving aimlessly, drinking and drugging? Do you say, “sure, take the keys, go do nothing?”

Look in the mirror. What are you doing? What are you aware of? Where are you going?
Take a good look. Get your goals in sight. Write them down , talk about them to the loving supportive people around you. Be the winner you want your kids to hang with. Take the leap. One step at a time. One minute at a time. One turn at a time. Don’t get lost in the whole picture – be a GPS, take the turns to the next frame once you’ve set your ultimate goal.

Why Am I Here?

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That’s a question we might all find ourselves asking from time to time. Or worse, complaining or thinking we should be somewhere else. You know all those bumper stickers that say “I’d rather be……” Well, it is a question we should ask pretty often. The real question that most of us dare not think about is, “Am I spending these precious hours/minutes/days of my life doing what is good for me to be doing?

Do you ask yourself that question? And what answer do you get? Because if you can’t think of a good reason to be where you are, to be doing what you’re doing, to be with who you’re with – then you are in over your head. Or under your head, as in the case of an ostrich. Where is your head? That should be on your mind 24/7. It’s the only way to sanity. Otherwise you are making up stories, justifying (making up stories), explaining (making up stories), reasoning (making up stories).

Remember the weak link in the chain? How the strongest chain is only as strong as each individual link? I know the saying was the weakest link, but I don’t want to get into judgement calls. I want you to think about how strong is your link right now to what you are doing. How strong is your commitment to what you are doing? The link’s on you. The link’s IN you.

It’s not that you have to love every minute of what you do. Everyone has to do stuff that’s not to their liking – but, the big picture has to fit what you want to do, your goal, your dream, your reality. If you have to anesthetize yourself to get through part of a day, you’re wasting your time and probably that of everyone around you.

What can you do to get in synch with what you are doing right now. Can you tell yourself how you feel without getting nervous about what will happen when you know the answer? Can you stand to make a list of what you want and don’t want, what you like and don’t like. I’m not talking about a wish list or a complaint list. I’m talking about seeing what it is you are doing in a clear enough light to get some answers about your heart’s true mission.

In my study of meditation I’ve learned that menial does not equate with lowly. The person who cleans up, edits, cooks is often more important to the life of business/monastery/country than the person who heads it. More than likely the people you know best will be the ones who make a business function. In my experience, the best run businesses are headed by someone who is not afraid to do a small task. I know a very wealthy business owner who is out in the parking lot every morning picking up cigarette butts people throw out. His business is the whole business.

If you can love the small parts of what you are doing probably you’ll love the larger parts. If you can get with each minute, the hour takes care of itself and your goal will look more reachable to you. I know they say that about pennies and pounds too and I hope you’ll look for the shiniest penny you can find in every minute you spend, whatever it is you are doing. Don’t “Just Do It” but make sure you like the process. It’s where it’s at.

This is what you fear most

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There is no magic bullet to getting rich. Hard work will not get you there by itself. There are no tricks. People who are rich are just like you, only different.

When you decide to get rich, you have to; 1) change your attitude toward yourself and others, 2) have a vision, 3) keep hold of that vision, 4) define your goal(s), 5) identify your limiting beliefs, 6) listen to your true self – anytime a “should” comes in, you’re on the wrong track.

The reason you aren’t successful is often due to a tennis match between your negative and positive feelings about being rich and successful. This game can manifest as inertia, self-sabotage and procrastination.

Your body can be an antenna for what makes sense for you to pursue. A trained athlete may make a wrong play every now and again but we wouldn’t be watching if their moves were random and dominated by opposing influences.

But this is exactly what we do. We think we want (did I hear a should?) one path and then we hear another, advice, e-mail, the news, we have so many venues for information. Most of the choices you make don’t depend on “bad” and “good” to prove their veracity. The simplest move on your part requires the most faith in yourself. I’ll go back to the athlete analogy; what if Tiger Woods ( you choose a sport) had decided to try snowboarding and baseball, his mother wanted a soccer player, his uncle first draft on a baseball team. Would you have heard of him?

Look at yourself. How many things do you do? How many do you do well? How did you come to be doing most of the things you are doing? Did your family growing up have anything to do with it? Do you hold beliefs you don’t even know about? Do you have judgements you don’t know and can’t define?

Each judgement has started with your belief system. Each belief system starts before our comprehension kicks in so we become adults believing without reason or experience. We are swayed by others’ life experience, as were they.

Time to give it up. Be your own success story, kick the limiting beliefs. Stay tuned!